The journey of the soul
My mother keeps asking me when am I going to settle down, have babies and follow what she believes is best for me. In her eyes, it is a mistake to wait this long to start my life, however, my life has started 34 years ago.
I used to think that way too, and I kept punishing myself for not being able to achieve what my family wanted me to. Giving more and more momentum to this false belief reached its peak when I started suffering from mental illnesses and dark thoughts, but this is not the story of my “heroic” change.
This is the story of why I learned to love the contrast. Even the darkest ones too.
There are great teachers out there who talk about what contrast can provide and why they are wonderful gives to achieving clarity. Because if I know what I don’t want, I start to figure out what I do want. What an insane concept I thought.
However, after practicing for years and years the appreciation of the desires and visions that were born within the contrast, I finally was able to connect with that wisdom I listened to so many times. It seemed insane to me, that one can stay calm and eager when the bad is actively happening. But I found that to be true because I decided I rather practice this truth as opposed to other ones. Nothing else has provided me with such comfort as standing in my knowing that when this is over, I will be stronger, wiser, more loving, and clearer.
So I wished to share some key ingredients to how I found joy even on the darkest days:
- Manage expectations: there is no shortcut, and there is no cheating. When the momentum of negative emotion is too strong, then I must ride it out. Wait for it to slow down by trying to take my mind off of the bad. It is impossible to go from rage to joy, so as long as I can make it to frustration or boredom, the momentum has slowed. And from there I can try to climb the emotional scale by focusing on what is going right in my life.
- It is about practice: if you don’t use it, you lose it. Happiness is a practice, not a destination. It is either there in the moment or not. By deliberately focusing my attention on people, things, thoughts, and events that bring me joy, I train my vibration to predominantly be joyful. Therefore my point of attraction is more positive. Once I become a vibrational snob — as in I demand to feel good no matter the circumstance — when the bad days do come around, I will be able to pick myself up faster, more efficiently, because my happiness is well practiced and is in demand
- Time does not matter: if a deadline comes with pressure, therefore resistance, it will inspire desperate action. Or what I call the “illusion of a solution”. We all have experienced before what it’s like when a great idea comes from out of nowhere. This is what I call “allowing the soliton”. When I’m not looking, but trusting that there will be an answer, my mind can take me to places where there is no resistance. I don’t need to look for answers, I must allow them. And forcing them with time pressure is just going to keep them away for longer.
- If I change, so do my circumstances: I learned that the work I must do is to close the gap between my desire and my belief. A lot of human suffering comes from the discord between those two and there is nothing worse than wanting it and not believing in one day having it. But I know now that with practice, I can close that gap. And that is the most important step before action. Once desire and belief become one, then in resistance-free headspace I find inspiration to take action. And that is the only action that gets me where I wish to be with ease.
- I don’t need the world to join me: We all come from different belief systems, education, social expectations, limiting beliefs, pain, and all. This is why I never share my ideas and desires with others until my desire and belief are one. It is easy to allow the noise to talk me out of something they believe is impossible. But all impossible started with a dream. Everything started with someone dreaming it into existence and those inventors on the leading edge never listened to the naysayers. But I must feel strong in my knowledge before I can share.
And there are many more steps I found useful along the way, but I believe this is a great place to start.
Fanni Bartanics
